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Living In Gratitude: Awe & Wonder

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Create experiences that leave you in awe, for those will be the highlights of your life.

-Ryan Blair

Awe and wonder, two words often used interchangeably, are integral to the human experience. These experiences are the places we go, says Brené Brown in Atlas of the Heart, when “it’s beyond us,” when something is vast and expansive yet offers a sense of connectedness.

Though wonder and awe are similar, they cultivate ever so slightly different emotions.

Wonder is defined as “the rapt attention and deep emotion caused by something extraordinary.”

Awe is “the feeling we get in the presence of something vast that challenges our understanding of the world.”

Researchers Ulrich Weger and Johannes Wagemann characterize these two emotions in a slightly different way. “Wonder inspires the wish to understand. Awe inspires the desire to let shine, to acknowledge and unite.”

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Living In Gratitude: Self-Compassion

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Self-compassion is a more effective motivator than self-criticism because its driving force is love, not fear.

– Kristin Neff

A pioneer in self-compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff has researched this trait for over 20 years. In her most recent book, Fierce Self-Compassion, she discusses the duality of self-compassion as equal parts tenderness and fierceness.

Self-compassion extends kindness and understanding to oneself in situations of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. Self-compassion is positive, rewarding, and intrinsically energizing. By opening our hearts, we open up to an infinite abundance of compassion. The more it flows inward, the more it can flow outward, explains Neff.

Tender self-compassion helps us to be kind and gentle to ourselves. It guides us to the realization that we are only human, that we are bound to make mistakes, to encounter failure and setbacks. 

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Living In Gratitude: Comparison is a Thief of Joy

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Comparison is the thief of joy.

-Theodore Roosevelt

Humans use social comparison to determine our social and personal worth. We do this by consciously and subconsciously continually evaluating our attractiveness, wealth, intelligence, occupation, status, success, etc., against others. 

American social psychologist Leon Festinger is credited with the social comparison theory. He proposed that people constantly seek honest self-evaluations and compare themselves to others to gain a better sense of themselves and where they are in their lives.

In these situations, people typically compare themselves to someone who has at least one major characteristic they have in common. We begin applying social comparisons at a very early age to help construct our sense of identity.

There are two types of comparisons: upward and downward.

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Living In Gratitude: Grateful Leaders

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Gratitude is not a limited resource, nor is it costly. It is as abundant as air. We breathe it in but forget to exhale.

– Marshall Goldsmith

Being appreciated is correlated with increased performance and engagement at work. Yet, 59% of employees state they’ve never had a manager who “truly appreciated” them, and 53% said they would stay longer at their place of employment if they felt their work was more appreciated.

So, if people like and want to be appreciated, why aren’t more managers expressing gratitude for their employees?

A 2018 study might explain part of the issue. Researchers ask people to write letters of appreciation and then predict how that letter would be received. The researchers then asked the recipients how they felt after reading the letter.

The letter writers dramatically underestimated the positive impact their letter would have and also believed that the recipients would feel awkward about receiving such a letter.

A recent HBR article discusses the outcomes of research conducted around power positions and the expression of gratitude.

They wanted to answer the questions:

Does having power (e.g., being a manager or executive) influence feelings and expressions of gratitude? If so, why?

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Living In Gratitude: Great Expectations

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Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.

– Anne Lamott

Our expectations determine our experience. And more often than not, reality doesn’t live up to our expectations.

By definition, expectations are the hope of what may be.

We expect to lose 15 pounds, get that big promotion, ace that exam, or make a certain salary.

We expect our spouse/partner to make dinner, notice the dirty countertop, or cheer us on while running a marathon.

We expect our coworker to be detail-oriented, inquire about our weekend, or volunteer to help with an important project.

We expect our manager to express appreciation for our exemplary work and provide helpful constructive feedback.

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Living In Gratitude: How We Converse-It’s More Than Meets the Ear

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Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and it was so easy and fun? When it was over, you walked away thinking, “Wow! What a great conversation!” How about exchanges that feel awkward, or maybe you felt misunderstood and frustrated?

Communication is an essential part of life. We communicate with family, friends, strangers, coworkers, and so many others. 

We share information, solve problems, agree on a course of action, and socialize through communication.

Yet so often, because of different styles of communicating, our meaning and intention may be lost or misinterpreted by others, leading to misunderstandings and, at times, conflict.

American author and professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, Deborah Tannen, writes about these style differences. We all have different ways we communicate that are forged from our culture, gender, socialization, and geography, to name a few of our conversational influences.

Conversational styles are personal and unpredictable, states Tannen, but typically men and women have different ways of achieving outcomes when it comes to communicating. 

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Living In Gratitude: Completing the Stress Cycle

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Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes- including you.

– Anne Lamott

Stress is a common experience. We encounter stress at work, at home, in our social lives, and relationships.

As defined by socratic.org, stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances, whereas stressors are the factors that cause stress.

In the book, Burnout, The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, reveal that removing the stressor doesn’t negate the stress. To alleviate or mitigate the stress we feel in our mind and body, we have to move through the emotional stress cycle.

This insight is valuable because there are often stressors in our lives over which we have no control.

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Living in Gratitude: The Heart & Mind of Gratitude

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An article authored in 2019 by Arjun Walla shared some interesting scientific information backing what we always knew: gratitude literally impacts us on a molecular level.

According to the article, scientists have discovered that feelings of gratitude can actually change your heart and brain. Feeling gratitude can help overcome depression and anxiety. Furthermore, scientists have discovered that the heart sends signals to the brain, and not just the other way around.

Says Walla, happiness is a matter of perspective, and in a world where we are constantly made to feel like we are lacking and always ‘wanting’ more, it can be difficult to achieve or experience actual happiness. Many of us look toward external factors to experience joy and happiness when really it’s all related to internal work. This is something science is just starting to grasp as well, as shown by research coming out of UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC).

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Living in Gratitude: The Power of Intentionality

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Our intention creates reality.

– Wayne Dyer

Studies have proven that happy, successful individuals have a set routine and habits that keep them focused. One of these practices is taking time each morning to set a daily intention.

Harvard Business School Professor and author Francesca Gino, has conducted considerable research on the science of intentions. She says that setting daily intentions creates a ritual that moves people toward accomplishing their goals. by increasing self-discipline and self-control. And, when we commit those intentions to paper, not only do we remember them, we set ourselves up for action.

Practicing intentionality helps alleviate stress, creating a feeling of inner peace and assuredness that provides a fresh perspective. An intention is simply a promise we make to ourself. Setting aside time to contemplate our purpose for the day ahead allows for the opportunity to collect our thoughts and make a commitment regarding what we want to achieve. It is also about thoughtfully stepping into our attitude and behavior. This positive intention can involve our health and wellbeing, self-care, our career, education, hobbies, social activities, family time. 

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Living In Gratitude: Think Again

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“Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open.” – Ralph Marston

As humans, we like to feel that the ideas, beliefs, and opinions we hold are correct – and those opposing views of others are wrong.

We can often find the error in the ideas other people hold and feel driven to help them rethink their opinions. Still, we are much less inclined to realize that we, too, may benefit from letting go of our attachment to being right, opening our minds to new perspectives, knowledge, and insights so we can rethink and unlearn.

That is what the book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant is all about. 

Grant suggests that we gravitate toward three distinct styles of communicating what we think we know.

  1. The Preacher: delivering sermons to protect sacred beliefs
  2. The Prosecutor: determined to prove other people’s reasoning is faulty and incorrect
  3. The Politician: campaigns and lobbies to win people over to their side of an argument
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