We’ve all had someone say something that hurt our feelings and we have probably done the same to others.
We have all encountered people acting out inappropriately, either in a personal or professional setting, and some of those individuals never apologized.
Or maybe they said they were sorry but you could tell they really didn’t mean it or their apology was filled with explanations that offered excuses for their behavior.
We are all human and we all make mistakes. Apologizing when we hurt someone else intentionally or unintentionally is a vital skill.
Apologizing is hard. Admitting we were wrong is hard. Taking responsibility for hurting someone else is hard. Being vulnerable is hard.
Talking. Television. Traffic. Alarms. Phones. Texts. Music. Sirens. Barking dogs. Loud noise. Background noise. We are so accustomed to noise that some of us even need the whir of a fan or a white noise machine to help us sleep.
Noise is all around us, all the time. So much so that when its truly quiet, it is almost unnerving.
There’s been much research around how loud noises are harmful to hearing as well as how noise serves to disrupt focus and productivity, decrease our ability to solve problems, and results in reduced recall in both adults and children.
But there are also studies that indicate just how vital silence is to our brains.
The New Year symbolizes a fresh start, with many people making resolutions. Often these are things like losing weight, getting fit or eating healthier. These are all great resolutions, but we wanted to pose ten other possibilities that can make an enormous impact on your wellbeing, relationships, career and overall happiness.
Here is a list of ten things to quit in the year ahead. Whether you pick one or work on all of them, these are resolutions that will make life so much better.
“Let go. You may not know what comes next but know that whatever it is…you will be okay.” -Unknown
Limbo is uncomfortable. It is that awkward state of “in between,” the place set smack in the middle of where you are and where you will be.
Whatever the reason for it, limbo finds all of us at various times in life. This in between state of being, especially if it lingers, can foster frustration, uncertainty, worry, stress, anxiety, fear, and a lack of fulfillment.
From limbo often sprout thoughts of, “What’s the point?” and
“Why bother?” We put our life on hold in anticipation of the impending change
whose occurrence and timeframe are ethereal.
When we are in limbo, opportunities go unclaimed.
Relationships go undiscovered or sometimes unnurtured.
Adventure and happiness may slip by.
All in anticipation of waiting for that something to happen
“soon.”
We’ve all been there. And it can be hard to let go and know that whatever happens, we will be okay.
Although limbo is something most of us will face in life, that doesn’t mean it has to consume us. We can make a conscious decision to stop being fearful of what we can’t control. We can stop listening to that niggling negative voice in our head, stop feeding our worry, halt conjuring up worst case scenarios that will most likely never come true.
As you stroll down the busy hallway at school during lunch with a group of friends, you look over and see a kid eating lunch by himself. But what do you do next?
Do you keep walking thinking he chose to sit there?
Go over to him and ask if he has anyone to spend his thirty-minute lunch break with?
Offer to have him eat with you and your friends?
This is probably a situation that many of us have encountered at one point or another. The question is, however, what did you do about it?
An article authored by Arjun Walla shared some interesting scientific information backing what we always knew: gratitude literally impacts us on a molecular level.
According to the article, scientists have discovered that feelings of gratitude can actually change your heart and brain. Feeling gratitude can also be a great tool for overcoming depression and anxiety. Furthermore, scientists have discovered that the heart sends signals to the brain.
There are those people with seemingly very little who are overwhelmed with gratitude for a warm meal, rudimentary shelter, or some used clothing while so many of us who have all so much are always in search of more things to make us happy and fulfilled rather than appreciating what we have.
In a world where emotional intelligence isn’t really taught in school and the importance is put on striving for high grades, it’s no wonder so many people have difficulty feeling grateful. This is especially understandable if you’ve been brought up in the western world, which is full of consumerism and competition, a world where we’re constantly made to feel we are lacking so we need to strive for more.
Says Walla, happiness is a matter of perspective, and in a world where we are constantly made to feel like we are lacking and always ‘wanting’ more, it can be difficult to achieve or experience actual happiness. Many of us are always looking toward external factors to experience joy and happiness when really it’s all related to internal work. This is something science is just starting to grasp as well, as shown by research coming out of UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC).
Vulnerability is defined as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” And many of us have been taught to believe that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness. To protect ourselves against the perils of vulnerability, we employ emotional armor, which guards us against shame, hurt, scarcity, fear, and anxiety.
But in her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown explains that vulnerability is a sign of courage and serves as the “birthplace of love, belonging, and joy.”
“Yes, being vulnerable is scary and yes, we’re open to being hurt, but can you imagine your life without loving or being loved?” asks Brown.
The very nature of love means opening ourselves to being vulnerable. With love comes the potential for hurt, grief, and loss. But a life without love is lonely, empty, and unfulfilling so we take the risk to love and be loved.
As a society, our primary focus is on achievement and success. The pressure to perform and the heightened expectation of success is a burden that weighs us down, decreasing our enthusiasm and robbing us of the ability to experience joy.
An accomplished life frequently equates to our career. But there is so much more to life than work. When we define our life’s purpose solely on our level of success in our jobs, this can leave us feeling devoid of joy.
In her book, “Joyful,” Ingrid Fetell Lee reveals how important it is to nurture joy in our lives.
Joy is all about feeling good in the moment. Kindled by our five senses, joy is what we feel when we watch puppies playing, hear the belly laugh of a baby, see the stunning beauty of a rainbow, or are immersed in the rich serene colors of a sunset.
Fetell Lee explains that as a culture, we are so obsessed with the pursuit of long-term happiness that we lose sight of finding moments of joy. In our quest for happiness, we are looking to achieve a permanent state being, something that is not realistic or attainable. That’s why it is so important that we seek out those moments of joy to refuel our spirit.
The practicality of day-to-day life coupled with an expectation of success erases joy. Yet, joy is a significant aspect of our innate reward system. We can instantly boost our mood and motivation by seeking out joyous experiences.
There are things that have been proven to universally ignite joy: things that are bursting with color, round shapes, symmetry, and abundance.
“Color is life because a world without it is dead.” – Inrid Fetell Lee
Joy helps bring about the very best of who we are. Each moment of joy may be fleeting but they add up over time, filling our “bucket,” making us smile, giving us those warm fuzzies, motivating us to be our best selves.
Go through each day with an intent to seek out things that bring you joy. Maybe it’s how the morning sunlight glints off your cat’s vivid green eyes or how loved you feel when your partner or child wraps you in a hug. It could be the cool breeze across your skin on a warm afternoon or the smell of your favorite food. Those are the places where joy hides.
Yes, success and achievement are important but finding joy benefits all areas of our lives. Joy motivates and inspires. Joy opens us up to possibilities, helps us be better people, and enables us to connect with others.
Go ahead. Find the things that bring you joy. Grab onto those moments. Embrace them. Let them fill you up with pure exuberance.
May your day be filled with gratitude, joy, and good things.
Each of us makes an experience good or bad. The action or activity is what it is. We define it by our attitude toward it.
Traffic on the highway is heavy. We get impatient and annoyed.
We don’t get a promotion at work. We are hurt or upset.
Our child didn’t get first place. We are indignant.
Someone says something with which we disagree. We are offended.
Whatever the situation, our attitude defines that experience as either positive or negative. As humans, our inclination tends toward criticism and as such, much of our responses tend toward the negative. These less than favorable outlooks and our reactions to a situation creates tension in our bodies and mind. We have an internal dialog about how stupid, annoying, etc. it is, creating a story so immersive we distance ourselves from the actual experience.
