Living In Gratitude: You Are Enough

/in /by

Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love – you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer. ~ Eckhart Tolle

Every person has value yet we seek validation from others to prove that we have worth.

We need outsiders to tell us that we are intelligent, funny, attractive, talented, brave, successful, important…the list goes on.

By placing your worth in the hands of outsiders, you will be obligated to return to them time and again every time you need validation.

Why is it that we believe these words from others but not from ourselves? Our “inside voice” is more likely to criticize and condemn, to tell us that we aren’t enough.

This simply isn’t true.

Read more

Living In Gratitude: Investing in Appreciation

/in /by

When it comes to relationships, be it friends, coworkers, parents and children, siblings, life partners/spouses, and even the relationship with yourself, one ‘stock’ you should invest heavily in is appreciation. There truly is no such thing as expressing too much gratitude for the essential people in your life.

The greatest need of every human being is the need for appreciation.

~ Unknown

Sincere appreciation expressed in any relationship is equivalent to a substantial deposit into the bank account of that partnership. It builds wealth and a sturdy foundation. Along with attention and affection, it’s part of the trifecta for relating to others.

This wealth-building appreciation must be heartfelt. When gratitude comes from your heart, it opens you up to see and understand another person’s point of view, even when it is fundamentality different from your own. It is the kind of appreciation that notices another person’s strengths and acknowledges them out loud and with pride; the type of appreciation that’s built on respect and that treasure’s another person’s value and worth.

When we receive appreciation from someone, we are grateful, and we then sincerely appreciate them in return. That’s where the power and beauty of gratitude lies. That’s why appreciation can make all the difference between a relationship that’s withering and one that’s full of life.

When we give someone the gift of recognizing their strengths, it motivates them to live up to our positive perceptions. What you praise (from your heart!) grows.

Read more

Living In Gratitude: Think Again

/in /by

“Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open.” – Ralph Marston

As humans, we like to feel that the ideas, beliefs, and opinions we hold are correct – and those opposing views of others are wrong.

We can often find the error in the ideas other people hold and feel driven to help them rethink their opinions. Still, we are much less inclined to realize that we, too, may benefit from letting go of our attachment to being right, opening our minds to new perspectives, knowledge, and insights so we can rethink and unlearn.

That is what the book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant is all about. 

Grant suggests that we gravitate toward three distinct styles of communicating what we think we know.

  1. The Preacher: delivering sermons to protect sacred beliefs
  2. The Prosecutor: determined to prove other people’s reasoning is faulty and incorrect
  3. The Politician: campaigns and lobbies to win people over to their side of an argument
Read more

Living In Gratitude: Mental Load

/in , /by

In most relationships – even modern, progressive ones – one person typically spends more time doing most of the thinking work or what’s known as carrying the mental load.

Mental load is a term that refers to the invisible work done to manage and oversee a household and family. 

Known for his research on relationships, Dr. John Gottman discovered a “magic ratio” of positive to negative interactions in every relationship. Five or more expressions of appreciation for every negative interaction keep a relationship strong.

Since the mental load is unseen by others, the time, effort, and energy of managing this ongoing work goes unnoticed and unappreciated. This lack of gratitude can unbalance the “magic ratio,” resulting in a build-up of resentment and frustration.

A study published in the American Sociological Review describes mental load as the responsibility of “anticipating needs, identifying options for filling them, making decisions, and monitoring progress.”

Being responsible for this mental or cognitive load is a lot of work. It entails keeping comprehensive lists of what needs done, all of the various steps to achieve each task, doing or delegating each task, and ensuring completion of each. 

In a recent episode of the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast with Glennon Doyle, mental load was likened to carrying a heavy backpack around that no one else in your family can see.

Read more

Living In Gratitude: What is Grateful Living?

/in /by

Grateful living is important in the world because, in our constant pursuit of more and better, we can easily lose sight of the riches that lay right in front of us and within us. ~ Guri Mehta

Imagine walking on a beach just before sunset. The sand is silky and warm as it slides gently between your toes. A mild breeze arises, caressing your face and gently ruffling your hair. You inhale deeply, feeling the cool salt air fill your lungs as the clouds explode in a riot of pink, orange, and purple. Waves make fingers of foam on the sand that reach out to lovingly tickle your toes. A slight smile curls your lips as you take it all in – the air, the sand, the vibrant sky, the soothing sound of the waves – and exhale gratitude.

Grateful living is moving through every day in an ever-present, thoughtful manner. It’s noticing the abundance that surrounds us and mindfully being appreciative rather than taking things for granted or (un)consciously dismissing the beauty and blessings in life.

Read more

Living In Gratitude: Self-Perception

/in /by

Self-perception is, simply put, how we view ourselves. This lens through which we view everything influences our mood, behavior, attitude, beliefs, and judgment. Suppose we hold a primarily positive view of ourselves. In that case, this spills over into how we view the world, becoming cyclical as it leads to even more positive behaviors, habits, and ideas.

Self-perception is a core component of our identity. When we achieve something like a degree, promotion, or other accomplishments, our confidence and perception of ourselves are boosted. 

Read more

Living in Gratitude-7 Types of Rest

/in /by

Did you know that sleep and rest are not the same thing? 

Many of us believe we are rested when we’ve gotten a good night’s sleep — but there are other types of rest we need and are desperately lacking. Many of us are enduring a rest deficiency because of the “constantly busy” culture that makes us believe we have to produce and achieve 24/7. Downtime of any sort isn’t “socially” acceptable. And if we do take time to truly rest and relax, we often are left feeling guilty.

The result? A whole lot of constantly tired and chronically burned-out people. 

Our society doesn’t realize and recognize the power of rest. Rest is about rejuvenation, not just sleep.

 An article on Ideas.Ted.com discussed the seven essential types of rest that every one of us requires.

Physical rest

This is the rest that immediately comes to mind, but it entails more than sleeping. Physical rest has two components. The first is passive, such as when we are sleeping or taking a nap. Active physical rest are times we engage in restorative practices such as yoga, getting a massage, or taking a leisurely walk. These activities improve flexibility and circulation.

Read more

Living in Gratitude: Younger Podcast

/in , /by

Recently, I was interviewed about the power of gratitude by Dr. Robyn Benson on Younger: The A.R.T. and Science of Youthful Aging podcast. The episode is called “Creating a Life of Joy Through Gratitude.”

I share how my gratitude journey began on a walk with my grandmother.

Since then, gratitude has been a grounding place for me, a way of life that I’ve chosen. Gratitude is available to everyone.

Read more

Living In Gratitude: Compassion

/in /by

The human brain has a systematic process to assess information rapidly. Part of this includes taking in and immediately evaluating details presented to us. Most of the time, this data input is so fast that we don’t recognize that we are forming opinions and making snap judgments.

Every single day, we judge situations and people. We make assumptions and, dare we admit, jump to conclusions.

Having compassion for ourselves and others evokes a different response. Compassion requires awareness of our judgmental thoughts and preconceived ideas. It asks for genuine concern and empathy for the plight of others.

Read more

Living In Gratitude: The Gift of Listening

/in /by

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say. ~ Bryant H. McHill

As with most holiday seasons, many of us will spend time in search of that perfect present, yet we have an amazingly powerful gift we can give to everyone we know. There is no monetary value involved but rather involves patience and practice. That gift is listening.

We were all taught at a very early age how to speak but were we ever really taught how to listen?

By following a few key steps, we will give our family, friends, coworkers and others the validation of truly being heard while we open ourselves up to new ideas, discoveries and understanding.

The four steps to being a good listener are:

1. Respect

By requesting other’s ideas and inputs and validating them as valuable, we open up a free flowing, safe line of communication that allows us to better comprehend that person’s viewpoint. This includes paraphrasing to ensure you are correctly hearing what the other person is saying. Being respectful doesn’t mean we should avoid asking difficult or pointed questions but rather that they are posed in a gentle and respectful manner. This approach will uncover important solutions, ideas and information.  Read more