Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love – you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer. ~ Eckhart Tolle
Every person has value yet we seek validation from others to prove that we have worth.
We need outsiders to tell us that we are intelligent, funny, attractive, talented, brave, successful, important…the list goes on.
By placing your worth in the hands of outsiders, you will be obligated to return to them time and again every time you need validation.
Why is it that we believe these words from others but not from ourselves? Our “inside voice” is more likely to criticize and condemn, to tell us that we aren’t enough.
This simply isn’t true.
The only validation that truly matters is our own. Every person has unique talents and gifts to share with the world. Each of us gets to decide how we want to live our life, how we want to grow, to give, to define success.
If you find it difficult to speak to yourself with kindness, here are seventeen ways Sharon Martin, LCSW recommends to validate yourself.
- It’s normal to feel this way
- My feelings are valid.
- I’m proud of myself.
- This is hard. What do I need to cope or feel better?
- It’s okay to cry.
- I’m making progress.
- I gave it my best effort.
- I am worthy.
- Good job!
- I’m more than my accomplishments or failures.
- My self-worth isn’t based on other people’s opinions.
- Everyone makes mistakes.
- My feelings matter and I will listen to what they are telling me.
- I trust my instincts.
- Not everyone likes me and that’s okay.
- I like myself.
- I like _________ about myself.
Of course, sometimes we do need others to help buoy us up. It’s okay at times to reach out to those you trust for this support. But ultimately, when we stop constantly relying on validation from others, we hold the power of our self-worth. It’s called self-worth for that very reason.
Do not let another day go by where your dedication to other people’s opinions is greater than your dedication to your own emotions. Journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.” ~Dr. Steve Maraboli
Always remember – you are enough.