5 Languages of Love

Chocolate or potato chips? Steak or seafood?

We all have preference, and so it is with HOW we like to be SHOWN love. Certain things resonate more than others, making us feel more appreciated, opening our hearts and making us feel truly loved.

How do you like to be shown love?

Melinda showers her boyfriend, Keith, with gifts to show her affection while he in turn washes her car.

But like a chocoholic being offered potato chips and vice versa, both Melinda and Keith are left less than satisfied.

Melinda prefer gifts to feel loved and appreciated while Keith feels loved when people do things for him. So the chocoholic is getting potato chips while the salt lover is getting the chocolate.

Melinda’s heart flutters open when given little gifts (not necessarily expensive) while showing her boyfriend her love by doing acts of service for him.

Speaking The Right Language

Often in relationships, we express how we want our partner to love us instead of the way they actually like to be loved.

Understanding the language of love is important to nurturing a relationship.

When we receive a different type of love than we require, (meaning our partner is not speaking our love language) we may feel empty, unappreciated, misunderstood and unwanted.

In his book The Five Love Languages, marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, reveals his theory that there are five key ways of showing love.

He believes each of us has a preference for what allows us to feel most loved. Understanding love languages leads to satisfying communicate with our partner in a non-judgmental way. When we understand their love language, we are able give our loved one what they want, knowing this expresses our love and appreciation in the way they recognize.

The Five Languages of Love

1. Quality Time: For a person who speaks this language, things like eye contact, deep and meaningful conversations and shared activities are needed to feel loved. Bonding time with their partner is what is most important to them.

2. Receiving Gifts: When you are with a partner who loves little presents and surprises, this is the language that speaks your love. They appreciate love notes, flowers, and ‘just because’ gifts. This is how they want to be loved. Giving the gift of self is also an important symbol of love to these people.

3. Words of Affection: This language means giving your partner compliments, sweet love notes and lots of encouragement. This is important because those who speak this language are sensitive people and don’t take criticism as well as others.

4. Physical Touch: If this is the language of your partner they will be very affectionate or, as some like to call it, touchy-feely. Intimacy and physical contact to them is a way to connect. If you deny someone who speaks this love language physical intimacy, they may feel unloved.

5. Acts of Service: Some people find pleasure in doing things for others and often, they will feel loved when their partner helps with chores or does things for them. However, acts of service should be done out of love, not obligation.

How do you know what love language your partner speaks?

The best way to know if you are giving your partner the right type of love is simply to ask. And, to ensure you are receiving the right type of love, let your significant other know what language you speak.

Once you learn your loved one’s language and they learn yours, you will both feel more deeply connected, appreciated, happy and loved.